| I think every little girl in the world grew up with barbie. And even if they didnt they knew of her. I think this is where I found my self. Recently someone started referring to me as barbie and didnt occur to me to mind till I really thought about it. This perfect little plastic doll...how could that have so much affect in my life? Or in any little girls life?
Lets start here. Image: Barbie is perfect. Shes blonde light eyes perfect nose and not to mention perfect body. I dont know any girl out there who wouldnt kill to have barbies body. This causes eating disorders and plastic surgery. I my self would love to have plastic surgery! But lately I discovered the only reason I really wanted it was because I felt that I wastnt good enough the way I am. This past september I went to Cali with my parents and while I was there one of my biggest obvservations was that nearly 40% of the people I saw there had plastic surgery (that I could tell).
Now I'm not blaming barbie totally for these eating disorders and the plastic surgery fad. Media plays huge into it. But who did all those women movie stars and models grow up with? Barbie. Shes everywhere. Why did I take being called barbie as such a huge insult? Well...here's why. Step back that rethink what all I've said about barbie.
1. eating disorders in young teens
2. want for plastic surgery at such a younge age
3. fear of certian immage
If I were barbie I would feel so guilty for forcing such a huge problem is the U.S. that I probably would end up wanting to kill my self. What I've discovered out of all this is that I am happy for the way I am and if some girl thinks that I'm barbie then thats great. But dont force a personality on a plastic doll thats just ridiculous. I think more girls should discover that who they are is completely acceptable no matter what another person thinks, and dont base your self immage off of movie stars and plastic dolls. It's ok to be a little over weight and its ok to have small boobs lol. And who cares what a guy thinks of you just because your not "perfect" because chances are neither is he. Just because his face and parts of his body you've seen doesnt mean that underneath all that he isnt lacking in another area.(even if it's just his personality) And wow one litte matel toy has done so much damage that is really amazing...but I will not be one of those girls who is sucked in. Because I'm happy with the way I am. | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment   |
| I know guys I havnt updated this thing in a really long time sorry! Ok so heres whats been goin on! So summer was awesome I had an awesome time at the beach picking on my uncle Pete. Also I discovered the best boyfriend ever!!! Yes Adam! lol! Anyways the past 6 months aside from 2 break ups everything with Adam have been great! I had two jobs for awhile one was at Old Navy and the other was working as a waitress. Needless to say I am still a waitress but not working at Old Navy. lol It was a pretty horrible job I had there. They made me get up at 5am come to work and mark down clothes and then I got in trouble because I had another job so I wasnt able to stay too late. Plus I hate getting up that early working come home for like an hour and go back to work doing something that I hardly ever get to slow down. I love my job. It does have its up's and down's but it has way more up's then downs!
Moving on to family now. In October my Dad got married to the wicked witch of the west. I dont plan on visiting my Dad much anymore. Its a huge change for everyone this I know...but there is no need for when I come over to tear me my Mom and my boyfriend down. Plus I cant stand her kid who is now living there when he's not attending schoo at oberlin. Where I think he should just stay in my opnion. I'm not the only one who thinks this my poor brother who has to live with the wicked witch and her kid has gone through more suffering then anyone in the family.(lol poor Steve) I know what your thinking "how can someone be so selfish not to see their own Dad" I just dont feel like going threw this again...I did it once with my Mom and I dont need some woman telling me that I live in stepford land and that I have a perfect life...truth be told I had a WAY better life before they deiceded to get married or even started dating for that matter. I dont like negitive people and I dont like people to bring me down so I will not return to the hosue that I have grown up in to be torn down by my Dads wife and look at my Dad to save me and watch him turn away. I'm too old for this and I'm too young to speak up and become unwelcome in there home so I've decided not only to hold my tounge but just to never see them...
I cant wait for this summer!! Jen and I have decided to go to NC its going to be sooo awesome! I totally have to get another new bathingsuit this summer!! I'm going the beach twice yay! I kind of went twice last year when I went to cali! lol I decided Cali isnt all that it's cracked out to be...because everyone there had some kind of plastic surgery which just isnt fair lol I need to get me some of that...or... a lot of that! Just botox and implants! lol I have a wrinkle and I'm only 19!! not fair! k welll I'll try to keep this more updated for ya guys! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | I've had the time of my life | | Security: | | | Subject: | yay! | | Time: | 05:46 pm |
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| | YAY!!!! We finally did it! We have finally graduated for what seemed like the longest 14 years of my life even though I cant remember most of it! This summer has already kicked off we've had a bondfire which was a lot of fun and ton of graduation parties! I made a new friend too!! He lives by me lol his name is Adam and I know he's going to read this haha so I wont say too much more about him! Kyle still hasnt come home from cali!! I wish I could have gone with him...but I guess it really wasnt meant to be. I still have that plane ticket and no idea when or how to use it. Its going to be tough. I think this summer is going to break a lot of us and change our whole view on just about everything there is in life. Hopefully there will be a lot of fun involved though! Cuz thats what I'm really looking for! I cant wait to go to Lakeside and just chill and eat!! Because thats just about all I do there is eat and play games its going to fun!! And lately I've been trying to avoid being home as much as possible. My mom cant figure out why I'm not home until real late its because I'm trying to avoid trying to talk to her because all's she ever has to say are bad things that just make me angy to I might as well just avoid the whole situation by not being home and spare all of us the drama...because thats pretty much what it is. Right now I'm just sitting at my Dad's he let me make pasta salad and guess what! I did it all by my self I hope that it turned out good! One things for sure I couldnt burn it...I guess he figured there wasnt too much there I could screw up haha. I love these long days...its not really hot yet I think the hottest its gotten maybe 80 its been really nice and it doesnt really rain a lot its been mostly sunny which is a really good thing! I'm very happy about that I dont really mind the rain just as long as its not ALL THE TIME for like days stright...thats Ohio for you...you would think that we would be used to it by now but noooo! lol Its pretty aggervating to see that other places have stright sunshine and 80 degree days just about every day and its 60 here and raining not the way to spend the summer! I always hear people say that they like ohio because it has seasons...I really dont see it alls I really see is rain...and snow...really dont get much of anything else! haha ok yay look I made a new entry I bet ya'all are happy! Danny I cant wait for you to get home I'm counting the days! lol when u get back we gotta make that usual summer trip downtown to rockin on the river and play the shoulder game just like old times cuz we really havnt done that in a long time lol I'm starting to miss it! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Leave Jojo | | Security: | | | Subject: | grrr | | Time: | 08:17 pm | | Current Mood: |  depressed |
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| Ever get to the point where you just want every one to dissapear?! I'm so there. I have 7 days left of school and I'm going crazy. My life has become a living hell. Everything has pretty much been going down hill. Fighting with my Mom and Dad and now with my boyfriend. This is horrible...I just want to get piss drunk and go numb block out any and every feeling ever known. I keep thinking just 7 more days it will all be over...but it wont everyone keeps reminding me it get harder. I want this year just to be over. I want to hit fas forward and just be happy again. I mean I'm happy most the time its not that I'm an unhappy person...not that at all. It's just I cant take the fighting and the rushing and the whole growing up thing. I knew it was going to happen I just didnt prepare for it. And whats with the damn rain...god! Rains like all the time. I hate ohio. lol most of all I hate people especially boys!
I hate when my whole world is crashing and I cant do anything except step back and watch it crumble. I wish someone would just tell me what to do and tell me excatly whats going to happen. But I know that would never happen. I just want my parents to back off and my friend to understand me. Every thing will be ok in even and whatever I end up losing if anything will be for the best...even if it doesnt feel like it.
This summer I dont think will be real fun...I want to go on a trip anywhere but here and none of my friends want to go or they just dont have the money. One thing that I am looking forward to is being at Lakeside and just chilling on the dock in my little two piece and just trying to get that "awesome" tan. Not to mention playing games with my whole family which sounds really lame but its actually fun. I hope I spend a lot of my summer with Kyle again because even if we just talked about doing stuff and didnt it still was a ton of fun...Why cant everything just end? | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Voodoo Godsmack | | Security: | | | Subject: | Prom | | Time: | 09:25 pm | | Current Mood: |  high |
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| | This weekend was pretty sweet. Even though my moms like mega bitch and grounded me from going out friday saturday was still amazing! We had prom and finally Danielle and I had time to get ready for this one...eventhough we had to get up at 9:00 to get out hair done! lol thats ok. I cant believe I got sick!! That was the worse part was me being sick! But thats ok I'm sure everyones happy that i lost my voice...lol im not!! Prom was fun anyways! I'm scared that now Chris is going to be sick I'll feel so bad! No one wants to have what i have it sucks so bad!! Whe went to this sweet japanese place to eat eventhough some people dont like that kind of food lol its ok because it turned out to be a really good time while we were wating for everyone to get there we walked down by the river and just pretty much hung out. At after prom i attacked Chris lol and he took me down of the floor and i banged both my knees but it was all good because i still won! lol owned. Even though i didnt get home until like almost 5 lastnight i only slept till 12. It was sooo nice out today but i didnt really feel much like moving. My brother Steve came over and we went out for icecream with my mom because it was mothers day. It was fun. Steve was telling us how he almost got shot the other night driving down howard street with Aaron. He said that they were stopped at a red light and the big black guy asked for a ride and they told him no and he was like "whats yo problem man u scared? what u scared of" and Aaron replied "monkeys!" but the worst part about that comment was that he had said that to a man with a gun he was lucky that at that moment the light had turned green. They are soooo dumb!!!!! We only have 10 more days of school you have no idea how happy I am about that I cant wait to get the hell out of there!! hopefully this summer will rock! lol even though it probably wont because we always say it will and then we end up not doing anything we say we are. blah! | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | It only hurts when I breathe Shania Twain | | Security: | | | Subject: | lost | | Time: | 04:06 pm | | Current Mood: | awake |
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| | Alright so it's been a while since Ive typed anything in here! Here's whats been going on. I'm going to Chris's prom next weekend (wow!!!) I have what I like to think the perfect dress and so does Danielle were extreamly excited!! Spring break was pretty kool I guess. All's I really did was relax I really didnt do much of anything. The frist day I had to go to the ortho which sucked but I was out of there in like 2 min. Kyle got his new BMW. Yes he's in love shes big black and German. We celebrated Danielles birthday! She came over and I gave her, her gift and then we went to church and after that we hung out with the boys (Chris and Charlie) played pool at JohnMarks house and just pretty much hung out. We got home really late but my Mom for whatever reason didnt care because she was sleeping. So Danielle called Charlies cell phone to ask him what he was doing the next day and we called it seirously like 4 times and the last time we called it we left a voice message. But of couse he didnt get it and Chris ended up calling back and waking up my mom who came up stairs and told Danielle and I not to call the boys this late. When she left the room we couldnt stop laughing and debated for what seem to feel like an hour about weather or not we should call them back. So we did. We told them to come over in the morning because my parents were going to be gone and Charlie didnt know if he had to work or not. So they called us at like 8 or 9 in the morning and Charlie told Danielle that he couldnt stay but Chris was going to. Charlie brought over a card for Danielle which I thought was totally sweet!! That's pretty much how my spring break went. Nothin too exciting. But I did realize one thing though!! There are somethings in this world that you think you are ready for BUT YOUR TOTALLY NOT! So dont think just because ur 18 or whatever that your ready for anything because your not! And I suppose thats a really good lesson to learn... | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Fuel Million Miles | | Security: | | | Subject: | confused | | Time: | 05:16 pm | | Current Mood: |  confused |
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| So far this has been a really weird day!!I woke up this morning and I look at my watch and it was already 7:00 and I thought my mom forgot to wake me up so I fell back asleep till 9:30 and I thought that was a perfect time to get up because then I had miss 1st and 2nd period. So I made my way downstairs and my mom had stayed home because shes sick and I looked outside and I was like "snow day huh?" and she was like "yeah". By this time I was really awake because I went to bed at like 9 lastnight so I decided to call Danielle and we talked for a little while about her and Charlie so I told her I was going to call him and wake him up so I did and he hung up on me!! I thought that was really funny. I recieved a IM from my brother last night while I was sleeping saying that he had talked Ian and that I should call him and gave me his number. So I debated all day wheather or not I should call him so finally I broke down and called him. I guess he's a bar tender and he's going to get me in.
Last night I spent most the night thinking about these last two weeks and how they are totally diffrent. Not only because my parents are back home...but just diffrent because of what all happend between Chris and I. It crazy I know I have to changed and I just keep finding my self doing the same stuff over and over. I find my self flirting and not even realizing it until later when I'm alone and then its like "oh yeah Chris" it makes me feel like a terrible person. My friend brought up a great point last night and said that maybe I wasnt ready for all of this yet. But I think I am...no I know I am. It just not eveything I made it out to be...and thats what's making it hard on me. I want to stay but at the say time I was to just bail. I just need to figure out what I want before Chris even finds out about me second guessing anything... so if any one has any suggestions I need it! thanks... | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Southern Girl Incubus | | Security: | | | Subject: | weee | | Time: | 09:34 pm | | Current Mood: |  bouncy |
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| So today was pretty ok better then what I though it was going to be! This morning I woke up and drank a lot of code red because I had to run the mile (we all know I cant run) so then I decided I should just bring it with me to school. I drank so much and was so hyper it was awesome! I kept spinning in my chair going "weeee" and it made Danielle think of this site and she sent it to me when I got home and if thats how I was acting well then....I'm sorry! haha!
Work was kool just because we got to leave early because there wasnt anything to do AT ALL!! So we worked on our home work which the chapanter asigned us today. Which is gay because its like thig big project thing and like seirously is just gay all due tomarrow. This is what I have due in her class tomorrow:
A letter that I have to write
That project that has to be pictures of advertisements in magazines about time, money, travel, and promotion
And questions out of our advertising book
All that is due tomorrow during 1st period. Way to give us A TON of homework...not like I dont have any other classes or anything like that!! So I've come to the conclusion that this teach is going through metapause. Has to be. I mean come on shes meaner then a bager! I cant stand her! Or robot woman. I wanted to shoot robot woman today. When Amanda and I were working on our picture thing for mrs chappys class tomarrow she came in took that magazine I was using and was like "look a race car" I seirously wanted to scream. First of all a race car has NOTHING to do with what we were doing. Second of all we went into the confrence room to get the hell away from here. And thirdly I pulled that magazine for me not her. She could have gone and gotten her own when she knew damn well that was the one I was using.
During lunch today I was tired because I had to run the mile and all that (dont laugh because I havnt run a mile since 8th grade let alone active) caffine wore off and my stomach was all cramping up James gave me a piggy back ride. Which totally helped me up. You have no idea how much I wanted someone to carry me. haha I'm so pathedic! We watched the movie where Nate gets beat up by James. I never seen someone get hit in the head so hard in my life! We were all laughing having a good time when Lusher decided to come in and break it up GAY!
Ok heres the question of the week! Why is it ok for you to talk with a guy about his relationship with your friend but its not ok for him to give you any inside info on how his friend feels about you!? I dont get it help!! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Fefe Dobson/ Everything | | Security: | | | Subject: | screw school | | Time: | 09:06 pm | | Current Mood: |  stressed |
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| Ok right now I dont even know excatly what going on. I think I just need a break from life right now. I cant stop fighting with every one and its just those little two minute fights but still those are more stress then their worth. I cant stand my CBE teacher I hope she chokes on a salty pretzel!!! She's so dumb. I dont think that there is one person in that class who actually likes her. She has to be the worst teacher I've ever had. I honestly dont think she can teach, and she hates our class because were too smart for her. Shes one of those teachers that cant ever admit that shes wrong even if you prove her wrong. I hate those kind they tick me off to no end. I seirously look forward to gym. And for all of those who know me know that I cant stand any phsyical activity at all what so ever so you know things are bad if I'm looking forward to gym!!!
Another thing thats really stressing me out other then the obvious school and parents...WORK! I hate work....its not so bad when robot women isnt there then its fun. But like this past month I seirously want to SCREAM at her!!!! But everyone at work cant stand her so I guess today a whole bunch of people went and complained to our boss Jodi and Jodi got all pissed off she didnt even come back to work! Today robot woman was wearing this tight shirt (to remind you robot woman is 23 and looks about 50) and Amanda just HAD to see that robot womans bra strap was hanging down her arm and pointed out to me. Then to make matters wose! We both saw her nasty gut. I think just because I had to look at all that I should get a week off work!!!! Like that would ever happen....it should!
One thing that I've learned has to be that never excpect that you are going to get what you want even if you thnk you are its just never going to happen. Atleast it hasnt happend for me...then again I never get what I want anyways!
In all honesty other then school and work things havnt been too bad. I mean I get into a fight every now and then with a friend but nothing too big. I went out this weekend with my friend Steve to see Buttyfly Effect which was way cool and the most stress free evening Ive had in a really long time and I really needed that. Yesterday was pretty cool too I went out with Danielle Charlie and Chris for Charlie and Chris's birthdays. We had fun. The only thing that has really sucked for me was Valentines day but as bad as everything was that morning was as kool as they were that night. I went out with Kyle Chris(not the one i like) and Kristy. We went to out usual place and just chilled. I laughed so much I dont think I've laughed that much in a really long time it was really nice. So that's how thing have been going! yay! and now that I've made the world longest journal entry and your probably not even reading down this far I'm going to go and hope that things get better! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Toxic Britney Spears | | Security: | | | Subject: | I'm back | | Time: | 07:40 pm | | Current Mood: | busy |
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| Ok so I know I havnt really typed anything recent...sorry. Anyways here it is. Since Christmas a lot of stuff has happend not all bad....but not all good either. I had Chris tell me that there was another girl that was pretty bad. I wasnt sure what to make of that. I pretty much didnt want anything to do with him after he told me that. All's I kept thinking was why didnt he tell me this like 3 months ago. I'll never know, the good part about that is we worked our way through it and everything is ok between us. Still not my b/f and I'm not really going to push it though I am confused on how he could tell me he loves me and not want to commit to me at all what so ever. I'm really sick of my CBE class I want to teacher to just back off. We have to do this gay power point presentation which he have to dress "bussiness" looking. So we spent ALL day shopping looking for something to wear for this gay competition. Kyle finally got a "hot" girl to like him which I'm totally happy for him but he's a total stalker when it comes to girls so shes all he ever talks about which gets pretty annying REAL fast but its all good because I'm really happy for him. Work really sucks I cant wait to get a new job anything to get me out of working in that hell hole with the "robot" let me tell you a little about "The robot"
She's this 23 year old chick who like pretty much doesnt have a voice and it's really hard to tell what shes saying because not only does she not have a voice but she talks like a 3 year old. Shes probably the meanest person in the world. She hides my work from me and then when I'm caught up doing something she does it right in front of me...which is really crappy! And the other day I couldnt read her wrighting so I asked her what it was and she got all pissed and threw the paper in my face and let me tell you if my boss wouldnt have been there I would have went off because I take that crap from anyone! Shes the kind of person you just dont want to work with. And after shes done doing all MY work she sits around and does nothing or gets on the computer which were not allowed on and looks up crap about dogs and distracts Amanda from doing her work to look at...dogs. How gay is that. Seirously I think shes a little slow. Because there was this fax and it didnt have the patients name on it and she wrote and note to the doctors that said "do you know if you know who this is" Yeah enough said. So that pretty much wraps up whats been going on this past month. There ya go guys I finally got around to writing in my journal! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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hottchick330's journal